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Sorry for Party Rocking
A peace conference between major UK fractions is threatened by an anarchist biker gang - it’s up to you and Jody to save the day! Cast * Jody Marsh * Sam Yao * The Last Riders Plot Rule Britannia After the fall of the last government, you’re attending a joint state opening of Parliament and peace conference. Not everyone is happy about this however, so you and Jody leave to prevent the Last Riders motorcycle gang from disrupting proceedings. Lay The Caltrops You and Jody easily catch the riders’ attention, and run east - away from Parliament - laying caltrops behind you for the bikers to run over. Foot Tunnel Under The Thames Four Last Riders run over your caltrops in explosive fashion, but that doesn’t stop their friends continuing the chase. Sam directs you to a foot tunnel under the river when you can ambush them, and keep them away from the peace conference. Other End Of The Tunnel Using wire spanning the width of the tunnel, you and Jody set a trap which separates the riders from their bikes. Just when you think you’re safe you notice one of the riders has a bomb! Get There Now! You and Jody escape the bomb blast, and Jody works out what that rider meant by “2845” - there may be a bigger bomb underneath the House of Commons. You have to warn them! Find That Bomb As you close in on the tunnel leading to the House of Commons, Jody suggests getting the conference to evacuate. Unfortunately it’s not so simple; the Last Riders are blocking their route out with a big rig, so you have to disarm that bomb. No Way To Kill It Inside the tunnels, you follow the Last Riders’ graffiti, in the direction of some blinking lights. You’ve found the bomb and need to call Steve, but Sam is distracted by something else - one of the headless V-Type zombies has escaped, and is heading straight for you… S07E01 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript static ANNOUNCER: All rise for King Jamie! music REPORTER: And you join the Peoples’ Radio today as we attend the first State Opening of Parliament in several years here at the House of Commons, newly cleared of zombies and refurbished for the occasion. I must say, the patchwork cushions look cheerful, and the handmade scepter and mace are a delight! music And here comes King Jamie himself, accompanied by an honor guard of, it says here women of the Royal Roller Derby. ROLLER GUARD: Roller guards, formation crossover. applause REPORTER: Well, that’s a very moving sight. Much may have been lost in this country - the last government fell just weeks ago - but watching those women unfurling their sparkling Union Jack pennants, I know we haven’t lost our sense of pomp and pageantry. SAM YAO: Yeah, you know, they do look quite good. When Jamie told me, I wasn’t sure, but actually - JODY MARSH: Sam! Urgent comms only! Me and Five are just in the outer hall. It’s so quiet, anyone could hear! REPORTER: And here come the leaders of the major factions around the United Kingdom, each wearing the pennant of their house or settlement. Of course, there’s important business to debate today, but proper form must be observed first. JODY MARSH: Five, do you hear that? Bikes. SAM YAO: Yep. I’ve got them on cams. Coming in from the east. Oh bugger. I thought Janine’s intel might be wrong. JODY MARSH: She’ll hear you, and beat you with an Abel pennant later! Janine’s intel is never wrong. Those are not latecomers to the conference. engines roar, laughter, glass shatters REPORTER: And there’s a little disturbance, as we all knew there might be, but this parliament is well protected. SAM YAO: All right. There’s eight - no, ten - bikers approaching, wearing Last Riders jackets. They have the usual souped-up bikes, whirling chains around their heads. Oh, they’ve got flaming arrows. That’s new. JODY MARSH: Come on, Five. It’s up to us to head them off, or this peace conference is going Guy Fawkes faster than you can say Rule Britannia! Run! engines roar JODY MARSH: Okay, I’ve got visual. The Riders are circling the building. Motorbikes, weird war paint on their faces, covered in tattoos. Pierced cheeks, for some reason? Flaming arrows. Bloody hell! That one’s got a nice crossbow. If you get your hands on it, it’s mine, okay, Five? SAM YAO: The spikes all around the House of Commons are keeping them at bay for now. The peace conference must be their target. JODY MARSH: Do we know what they want? SAM YAO: sighs Well, only rumors. There’s been some stuff about weird bone-obsessed cannibal bikers in North Yorkshire on Operator Rofflenet for a while. JODY MARSH: There’s Operator Rofflenet? SAM YAO: Oh, yeah. Well, Just to share intel between settlements, rumors, that kind of thing. A lot of it turns out to be nothing, but this… well, they’re saying Sigrid had a deal. She just didn’t bother them, and they kept their murder/cannibal stuff north of Thwaite. Since she fell, well, they’ve got ambitious. If you can call anarchists ambitious. This peace conference is supposed to bring people together, to work out how we’re going to organize the country now Sigrid’s gone. So obviously, they want to sabotage it. JODY MARSH: That cannibal stuff can’t be true, can it? I mean, there are easier ways to get dinner. Chickens aren’t that hard to look after. SAM YAO: No one knows! And the Riders might have put it about themselves to make people afraid. JODY MARSH: It won’t work on us, will it, Five? You’ve got the caltrops? of caltrops jingles Great. All we have to do now is get them to - RIDER: Abel! Abel scum! Look at their uniforms! SAM YAO: Uh… RIDER: No uniform will save you from the chaos, Abel! laughs Come here, little Abel. noises JODY MARSH: Ew! I am getting a very Weinstein vibe from that biker. At least we haven’t had to try to get their attention. Come on, Five. We’ll lay the caltrops as we run east. engines roar, tires squeal SAM YAO: All right, you’re doing a good job leading them around those warehouses facing the Thames. They’re following. Oh, well, you could probably tell that from the screaming. I used to know a guy at uni who had a motorbike. He was quite nice. Did a lot of off-road orienteering. JODY MARSH: Yeah, Sam, I think that guy is not in the Last Riders. explosion SAM YAO: was a Molotov cocktail arrow that Rider just fired! JODY MARSH: Yeah, I know! Very impressive! Okay, they should be hitting our caltrops just about… squeal Now! crash and explode, riders scream Wow, motorbikes go up with a lot of coughs black, acrid fumes! SAM YAO: Good work, guys! You’ve taken out about four bikes. Surely the rest of them will just give up now. I mean, it’s a peace conference! Who’d want to sabotage that? RIDER: laughs It will all burn! It will all burn! JODY MARSH: The screaming forces of chaos that have taken the zombie apocalypse as the chance they were waiting for to go cannibal? RIDER: We’re going to kill you slowly. We’re going to eat you piece by piece, starting with the toes. JODY MARSH: You know, I sort of prefer the zombies. At least they don’t narrate their cannibalism. SAM YAO: Oh, crap. They’re chasing on foot. Three of those warehouses are on fire now. No, I don’t want you heading back that way. Head south. There’s a foot tunnel under the Thames where you can ambush them. Go, quickly! engines roar, riders shout SAM YAO: Okay, okay, you’re through the underpass to the south bank. I know this bit. There used to be a burger van there, and - uh, yeah. See those alcoves to each side? JODY MARSH: Got it. We’ll sit in facing alcoves. Five, take the other end of this roll of wire. Make sure you’re holding the handle in a gloved hand, and hold it low. unspools Okay. Now wait for it… squeal, motorcycles crash That’s it! Sam, I can report that after an operation using a tripwire at tire height, the two people on bikes who followed us down here are now off their bikes. The bikes aren’t looking so great, either. respools SAM YAO: You sounded like Janine, there. JODY MARSH: Learned from the best. How’s she doing at the peace conference? SAM YAO: Uh, well, by the look of her on cams, just about holding it together during the Black Rod ceremony. She looks really bored. JODY MARSH: Oh man, I always loved that kind of stuff! Not in a like, “I love colonialism and slavery” way, just… there’s always some of it that’s good. Do you know the tradition is that they slam the door in Jamie’s face as he tries to enter parliament, to say that democracy must always be able to shut out any dictator! SAM YAO: laughs That’s cool. Um, I think you’ve scared the other Riders off. I can’t see them, anyway. You might be able to get back and see some of the ceremony. shifts RIDER: giggles One little piggy went to market, one little piggy stayed home, and this little piggy went boom, boom, boom! laughs JODY MARSH: Sam, this Rider in the tunnel… SAM YAO: Left out two little piggies? JODY MARSH: He’s opened his jacket. He’s got a bomb! RIDER: Oh, this is just the start. But you’re going to miss the real fireworks! Watch out for the 2845! beeps JODY MARSH: I think he’s armed it! Five, other end of the tunnel. Run! ticks explosion SAM YAO: Was that - ? JODY MARSH: Yeah. Mini explosion. collapses Part of the underpass has caved in. They know how to construct a bomb. SAM YAO: sighs Shall I… well, shall I call Janine? JODY MARSH: We don’t have time to wait for her to get out of there. Real fireworks must mean there’s a bigger bomb laid somewhere around here. If we don’t find it and we evacuate the House of Commons, we could be sending them into terrible danger. Where were the other Riders when you last saw them? SAM YAO: Heading towards Trafalgar Square. JODY MARSH: Oh my God, Trafalgar Square! 2845! Tom’s told me about that. Old tunnels connected to a closed tube station. It was a secret World War II project. Post Office 2845 was the code name. The tunnels lead to - ! SAM YAO: They go under the House of Commons, don’t they? JODY MARSH: Yeah! Nearest entrance is along the Thames. Come on, Five. We’ve got to get there now! JODY MARSH: Sam, the entrance to the tunnel is a few more hundred meters ahead of us on the embankment. I’ve been thinking. If Five and I find the bomb here… I know it’s the first time all the factions have sat down together since the apocalpyse, and it’s important for us to find a way to work together after Sigrid, but you should get them to evacuate. SAM YAO: Yeah, there’s a bit of a problem with that. horn honks There’s a huge armored lorry behind you. JODY MARSH: That one with the flaming mannequins on the roof and the Riders hanging down the sides on rope ready to jump at us as soon as they get in range? SAM YAO: Confirm, yeah. That’s the one. JODY MARSH: Why do they call themselves the Last Riders? SAM YAO: Well, maybe because they’re not going to let us have a turn on their bikes? Well, there’s another big rig just like that outside the House of Commons. If we evacuate - JODY MARSH: We’re sending them into a bloodbath. And if we don’t find the bomb and disarm it, there’ll be a bloodbath! SAM YAO: They’ve really gone belt and braces on ensuring a good supply of blood to bathe in, yeah. JODY MARSH: We’ve got to find that bomb and disarm it. Come on, Five. Run! JODY MARSH: Wow! These tunnels are boss, actually. Tom said they’d open them up again. They want to give shelter to refugees here. They’re concrete, warm, and dry. Loads of little office rooms off to the sides with some great old furniture and little camp beds! SAM YAO: So hunting for a bomb is going to take some time. JODY MARSH: Right now, me and Five are just following the trail of Riders graffiti. By the look of the campfires, they must have been here for a day or two, and by the look of the spelling, they can’t agree whether or not there’s an apostrophe in Rider’s. SAM YAO: Well, I suppose being anarchists, it’d be against their principles to agree on anything. JODY MARSH: laughs Yeah. Five, do you see something at the end of the tunnel? Lights blinking? Let’s check it out. SAM YAO: Current situation at the House of Commons, long pageantry palaver still continuing. Gunboat on the Thames doing a one-gun salute because that’s all we could spare… just a second. beeps JODY MARSH: Sam, can you send someone to get Steve? If Five and I are going to defuse a bomb, he’s the one we want talking us through it. SAM YAO: Already done it. Sorry, there’s something… there’s a zombie on the Thames embankment path heading for your position. JODY MARSH: Oh yeah, a zombie? How rotted? SAM YAO: Um… I just want to… I’m trying to zoom in. JODY MARSH: We’ve found the bomb, Sam. It’s counting down. 30 minutes on the clock. We need Steve now. SAM YAO: Yeah, we uh… yeah. That zombie, it’s walking, but its head is half blown off. JODY MARSH: Oh crap. SAM YAO: Yeah. First confirmed V-Type zombie outside Battenbury. It’s heading right for you. If you stay to defuse that bomb, it’s going to catch you, and there’s no way to kill it. Codex Letter Hey Five! So… alright, so the peace conference didn’t exactly go according to plan, but you and Jody were AMAZING taking down those Last Riders today! The way you guys rounded them up and lead them right into your tripwires, it was like taking candy from several… very tattooed, very scary babies. In other much more pressing news, after seeing Jamie’s Roller Derby honour guard in action, I am one hundred percent down for starting Abel’s first Roller Derby team. I mean, yes, we might only have two and a half sets of roller skates, but when has that ever stopped us? I’ve been tossing up different potential roller derby names, but I think I might go with ‘Burly Wurly’ or ‘Sam POW!’ Or ‘Mar-mighty?’ I’m worried that might just sound like I’ve got Marmite on me though. What do you reckon? Love, Sam Artefact 'Abel Township Pennant ' One of the few remaining Abel Township Pennants salvaged from the attack on the House of Commoners. Though a little scorched and worse for wear, it now sits proudly above Janines's mantlepiece. Category:Mission Category:Season Seven Category:Letters